you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
