Ambien. No doubt about it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
