i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
