I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
