I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
