guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
