Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Randomize
