apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
