So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
