i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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