Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
