we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
