you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
