Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
