I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
