with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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