If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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