Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
smell my finger.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
