cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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