I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
