Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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