Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
