dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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