what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
