so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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