I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
