I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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