Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
