my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
