How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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