she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
