Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
