She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
