hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
