then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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