Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
