also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
