Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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