i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
