I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
