6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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