so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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