I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
