I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
