I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
