He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
