I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize