Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
