I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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