Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize