i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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