I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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