how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My life is pants optional.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
