Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
should my penis look like a turkey
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
