Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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