I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize