That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
