he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
