I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
