I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
