...so i touched it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
