I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
